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Quick Critique

Quick Roast: The Snowman

Do you want to see The Snowman?
The trailer looks a hit
Well, I’m sorry to now break to you
But it is true
This movie’s really shit!
It’s got a great director
And a solid cast
So let me now tell you why
You should not go see The Snowman
Oh please, dear God don’t see The Snowman
(I dare you not to guess who the killer is 20 minutes in, I DARE YOU!!!!!!)
Let it die

You really shouldn’t see The Snowman
The editing’s a shame
But even though they had a pro
Three Oscars show
The studio’s to blame!
(seriously, Thelma Schoonmaker is one of Scorsese’s frequent editing collaborators, this woman is great at her job if you’ve seen any of this films, HOW IS THIS AN INCOHERENT MESS?!?!?!?)
Maybe don’t rely  on tax breaks
That limit your shoot
With scenes missing, stuff goes bye
(cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut)

Tomas, please, I know you’re out there
Your talent and passion is assured
Why keep the plot with Winter Games
Pro-life stuff was lame
Poor Kilmer was obscured!
This project was dead on arrival
It was all for nought
Please, will you tell me why
Did you have to make The Snowman?

Yeah. This movie sucked ass.

2/10

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